Birth Order and Personalilty Traits

In my quest for understanding, I have begun to read a bit about birth order and personality traits. I have read very little about this personally, but I have had extensive conversations with friends who have completed their MA degrees in Counseling/Psychology and who are working on their Marriage and Family Therapy Licenses (and let me tell you, they are none too shy to talk about subject such as this). This is NO WAY makes be an expert, or even a credible resource for that matter. But, when I observe people's communication behaviors, I search for meaning - a deeper meaning than writing off one's personality as, "Oh, that's just so and so's personality". I truly believe that we act as we are trained. Or, in short, our behaviors are directly linked to our past experiences.

For example, my extreme fear of loss is a direct result of my father's suicide. I have just recently figured out, within the last week or so, that I am terrified of loss. This is not just death, but any kind of loss (loss of friendship, loss of a loved one, and even people close to me moving away). About a year before my dad's suicide my grandmother passed away and went to be with Jesus. I wasn't bothered by that too much, which know sounds terrible. I miss her terribly, and wish everyday that we can have one last conversation. But, it was only after my dad's death that I become fearful of loss because of the extreme emotions I felt immediately following his death. But let's not delve too deeply into my psyche at this point.

Getting back to my point.....I have been observing conversational patterns in people, or the semantics of conversations if you will, for a couple of years, especially with my students. Why do some people have a tendency to talk about certain subjects repetitively (namely themselves or thier experiences or how much they have accomplished...nor not for that matter)? It seems that some people are chameleons and can converse about anything. And then there are other people who repetitively talk about things, perhaps about themselves, and who are seemingly uncomfortable talking about other things. But, the nature of conversations is interesting. For those that can converse about seemingly anything, they almost never steer the conversation back to them. But those that feel a bit uncomfortable talking about extraneous things, the conversation comes back to a conversation about them, their lives, and only what they are familiar with in their world. But my question is why? Why do some have a tendency to take on pattern A, while others take on pattern B? (I'm know that there are more patterns of conversations, but these are the two I am focusing on right now).

My idea, and that's simply what it is, an idea at this point, is that there are patterns set up from past experiences. And, these experiences have to do with how someone was raised. Therefore, birth order may have something to do with it. Adler's theories can explain some of this, in a parallel way almost to conversational patterns. But Thurstone came up with the idea of the Big Five personality traits which seem a bit more comprehensive. I know, I know, there are many more ideas and explinations for how people behave, which can contain a deeper explination of 'conversational styles' - or behavoirs for that matter. My friends are constantly talking about personality types, enneagrams, and many other theories for that matter than can explain behviors and patterns of conversation for that matter. After all, when a person talks, what spills out is who they are esentially. (Of course this is my limited connection between communication and psychology). For those of you that are out there, who have MUCH more knowledge about this than I, what do you think?