Dueling Pot Roasts

This past weekend my newest sister-in-law (Sharon) and I were talking. She mentioned that she had cooked dinner in her crockpot the day she and her sister went skiing and that dinner turned out great. That conversation sparked something in me that I nearly forgot about.....I need to cook in the crockpot more (something I have wanted to learn how to do for years, but have been incredibly distracted by buying and selling houses and moving a million times). Since I am a crockpot gimp, I was thinking that I would make a pot roast tonight in the crockpot and see how it comes out. You are probably thinking, what's so unusual about cooking in a crockpot. And to that I will say "absolutely nothing". But alas, my name is Carol and I can't leave it at a single crockpot recipe. ARE YOU READY FOR THIS???? Tonight I will be competing against myself. I am making dueling pot roasts. One in the oven that is slow cooked (thanks Alton Brown for your recipe), and one in the crockpot. I want to see which one comes out better....and which recipe is better so I can put it into my rotation of dinner recipes. Plus, I will be able to freeze quite a bit of pot roast for left over meals in the near future. I will be sure to let you know how it turns out. :) (And, if one of them are especially good, I will post the recipe).

(Have you see the Thanksgiving Friends episode where Monica competes against herself to make a better Thanksgiving dinner than last year??? Am I completely unhinged???)

Hmmmm, this reminds me.....my grandmother has a very simple but really good Chicken Cacciatore recipe...I wonder how that would taste in the slow cooker???? I feel an experiment brewing.

PRAY FOR ME PLEASE

I just got a call from Sierra College. They want me to interview on March 23rd at 8:45am. Yikes!!! They want me to do a 10-15 minute lecture as an example so that they are able to see how I work in the classroom. Please pray for a clear mind within the next few weeks so I am able to think of something really creative to do that will impress the crap out of the Dean and other full-time instructors I will be interviewing with. *Also pray for me getting the job too. I really really really want to be teaching instead of having to get a desk job (as you know since I have been complaining about this for weeks on Xanga).

On a side note, I interviewed today for one of the positions I don't want. It was almost a 2 hour interview. Very taxing....I am now really really exhausted. I am not sure how it went....but I really don't care because I don't really want the job anyway. But, it was really cool to be able to get an interview with the county anyway. :)

More Confessions

Confession #3
I have two underwear drawers....one for "everyday" underwear and the other for special occasions like wearing a skirt, or a pair of light colored pants...you get the idea.

Confession #4
I love going to the store everyday. I think I was meant to be European or something.....oh wait, I am European. Fresh fruits and vegetables make me very happy.

Confession #5
I read Harry Potter when I workout. In fact, this is about the only time I read Harry Potter. I am now on the 4th book since moving up here. Either I read fast or I have been working out quite a bit....you decide. :)

Confession #6
I am turning 30 in a couple of months. I feel indifferent about it. I guess numbers don't mean a whole lot to me...it's how old you feel. And, since I have felt about 60 since I was about 21, I guess I am pretty old.

Confession #7
I prefer to eat using the Continental Style of using silverware while I am eating, but generally use the silverware in the American Style simply because I am lazy.....LOL. That is of course unless I am at a very nice restaurant or on a cruise.

Confession #8
I ended up exercising.....see Confession #2.

Confessions

Confession #1
When I was a kid I hated the loud sound of public toilets when they flushed. Of course I still flushed, but I would open the door to the stall, make sure it stayed open, flushed then ran. To this day I still don't like the loudness of the public toilet flush but don't run anymore. :)

Confession #2
When I get into the habit of exercising, it's hard for me to stop. For instance, today I didn't exercise at all and it's 10:15pm and I feel completely guilty. I am contemplating whether or not to go downstairs to exercise....the jury's still out.

(More confessions to come)

We finally did it

Yesterday Shawn and I finally painted the kitchen. Yeah!!!! It is now a sage green color, officially titled Herb Garden. We are going to refinish the cabinets so everything in the kitchen is white and the walls are green. It's going to look really cute when it's done. I can't wait to have a nice looking kitchen in this house. (I will post a pic a bit later on today).

Yesterday was both good and bad. I started the day by covering my newly built shelves in my closet with shelf liner. The shelves are kind of big, so the whole process took me a couple of hours. Then we tackled the kitchen. By the time I was done with the shelves and just starting on the kitchen my back was bothering my pretty bad. But, I didn't want Shawn doing it alone, so I pushed through the pain and kept painting anyway for the next couple of hours. Ummm, probably not the best of ideas since the rest of the night I was in quite a bit of pain....even with some ibuprofin in me. We were supposed to go out to dinner and a movie with my brother-in-law and his awesome wife, but had to change plans because I was in so much pain. But, I must say, we had a great time anyway (I feel really bad about not being able to go out, but I honestly think I would have barely made it through dinner with the way my back felt......in fact, right before Jonathan and Sharon came over I was almost in tears because of the pain). Sharon and I talked for hours while Shawn and Jonathan built his new computer (his anniversary gift) and my 'new' computer which is made up of Shawn's old computer parts. Shawn and Jonathan are amazing....they have a love for computers that runs incredibly deep (although that's probably not how they would describe it).

All in all it was a productive and fun day....except for the pain that is. I think I worked out too hard the day before. Vanessa and I talked on the phone for a while during my workout and I lost track of time. At the end of it I had worked out for a full hour. Something I greatly enjoyed, but paid for later. But, all's well that ends well. The kitchen walls are painted and the kitchen is now clean, save some dishes in the sink.

No cooking for me yesterday. Our kitchen was a total disaster until Jonathan and Sharon came over. I think Monday I am going to make stuffed peppers. The recipe I have is low fat, and pretty low cal...but the ingredients sound wonderful. I will let you know how it turns out. Like I was telling my sister-in-law last night, I am trying to get 20-30 dinner recipes together before I go back to work so I can just pull from those and rotate them.

What's on the docket today? Well, finally getting our master bedroom clean. Anyone who has come over to the house in recent weeks can tell you that our room is the messiest room in the house.....but of course, not without excuse. I just finished the shelves yesterday so now I can uniformly fold all of my clothes and put them away. They have been sitting on the floor in piles (to me they are clearly piles, to others it looks like a bomb exploded all over our bedroom) waiting to be folded and put away. So, that's my goal...before midnight tonight, our room will be free of clothes on the floor and we will once again be able to walk in our bedroom.

Here's why

One of the only reasons why I am thoroughly enjoying being a stay at home wife is cooking. I love being able to see something on TV, eat something at a restaurant or hear about something, doing a bit of research and trying to figure out how to make it. A few weeks ago Shawn and I went out to an Italian restaurant and had a really good grilled pear salad with balsamic. We also went to a different place and had some amazing butternut squash soup. Since those visits I have made both, and actually had both for lunch today. I should be a chef.....kidding of course......but I really do love to cook and create really good food. Between yesterday and today I have made:
-Lemon balsamic roasted vegetables
-Butternut squash soup
-Pear and walnut micro greens salad with the same lemon balsamic I used to roast the aforementioned veggies
-Greek chicken with a yummy yogurt sauce

There are also a bunch of other "signature Carol" dishes that I make:
-Pesto chicken pasta with mushrooms, tomatoes (sundried and fresh), baby spinach and pine nuts
-Bruchetta (2 different kinds - one with artichokes and one without...although I can't decide which one I like most)
-Chicken stir fry
-Cream of mushroom with chicken over rice
-Eggplant Parmesan (this was my grandmothers recipe)
-Lots of different pasta dishes that I have copied from restaurants and have added my own twist
-A wonderful garlic bread
-Pesto bread with mozzarella cheese
-Navy bean soup (which coincidently I burned myself on pretty badly about 6 months ago)
-Awesome Salmon skewers
-Meat sauce
-Stuffed chicken breast (stuffing needs some tweeking, but the sauce is lemony needs nothing different)
-Enchiladas
-BLT pasta salad - yum
-Many many others

So, as you can see, I love to cook. Now, I must give props to my husband because he tests all of my cooking. Sometimes my recipes work, other times they don't....but I always learn something from my experiments. That's the beauty of staying at home for a period of time.....the experimentation of cooking. You know what's funny.....my sister does the same thing....she is an amazing cook. Maybe she and I need to open up a catering business (we should think about that). So, if you would like any of these recipes, message me and I will be sure to send them along to you.

Gett'r Done

Although I have never really understood this phrase, it is kind of fitting for today. I think, hope, pray that we are going to paint our kitchen today. It really needs to be painted....but I hope and pray I can get Shawn off the couch long enough to help me. :) If we get anything done in there today I will post some before and after pics either tonight or tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed.

Update: Well, the kitchen painting is not going to happen today apparently. We went to go pick up primer and paint for the cabinets, but it looks like that's all that is going to happen today. Shawn has last minute plans to go to a concernt with a friend tonight.....don't tell the rapists and murderers that I will be alone.....and won't be back until later tonight. So, that means that I am either alone in this (my back hurts too much from my hour long stint on the elliptical and treadmill this morning), or we do it tomorrow. I think we will wait until tomorrow.

Sometimes

I was driving home from Trader Joe's yesterday afternoon listening to music really loud in my car. I do this when Shawn's not around because he doesn't like loud music so much. All of a sudden, my dad's death hit me all over again. This happens every few months or so, so it's not out of the ordinary.....but it was strange. I was simply driving, rockin' out to music, and all of a sudden I get overwhelmed with sadness about my dad.

I have this weird thing going on with me, my head and my heart are at odds. I understand logically the position my dad was in and his state of mind (as much as one can understand), and my mind says that it was a bad situation and there would be an explanation if he were still here....but my heart says something completely different. My heart hurts and I'm sad. There is simply no other way to say it....I am sad. I am sad that someone would think that there is no other way out, or that someone would want to end it all because they can't deal with life anymore....and this is not just my dad. There are millions of people out there that have the same perspective.

It's weird because I can pretty much put myself into someone's shoes in the place and almost fully understand where they are coming from. Not that I have ever thought about suicide, but I can understand where one comes from when contemplating that. Maybe it was the song that was on (although the song is not important) that sparked thinking about my dad, who knows. This happens when I least expect it. Or maybe it's because I have a lot of time on my hands right now with doing small projects around the house. But I'm sad that someone in my family, someone I had a relationship with chose to end things like that......but I am blessed at the same time to have known someone like him. He had so many great qualities....I just wish he were here so I can tell him that.

My sister said something in one of her blogs that I thought was really cool. She said that she doesn't tell many people about dad's death because that's not how she wants to be defined. I like that. It's not who we are....rather it's something sad that happened. And lots of people have sad stuff happen to them, we are not the only ones. But I can't help, at times, to feel sad. It's been almost 3 years...and to tell you the truth, I don't think the pain ever goes away, it just changes. The sadness and hope that things were different will always be there. But I am encouraged....there are so many people in my life that have shown unconditional love....my husband for one.....God of course...and many others.

Thanks for listening!

Please don't feel compelled to comment - rather, just say a tiny little prayer for people bogged down with the feeling of loss in their lives...because there are many.
(I promise tomorrow's post will be a bit happier)

What's the deal?

I was emailed twice this morning by the county of El Dorado. I have qualified for two positions so far and will be interviewing for one of them, and taking a test for the other one in a couple of weeks. Government jobs are so weird....the hiring process takes quite a long time and can get quite involved. While getting called back for these positions may seem exciting to some, it's not really what I want to do. The last 'desk' job I held, I had a terrible experience at and I am not sure if I want to do it again. Plus, I am pretty sure my back may not hold up with sitting in a chair 8 hours a day 5 days a week. But, we shall see.

Here's my dilemma, I really want to teach, because that's what I spent all my time in education doing.....getting qualified to be a college professor. And, now that I am qualified to do that, I don't really want to do anything else. I really enjoy teaching a great deal, even though it has it's downfalls - but doesn't every job? Anyway, I don't want to pass up a job that pays decent for this area because I am holding out for a teaching job that may not come for a year or two. Plus, if I do get a fulltime, sit behind a desk and push papers, pull out my hair because I am not challenging my mind, desk job - it will allow for us to do things like get a hot tub and maybe even remodel the rest of our house. (Gosh, maybe that's the catch----I accept one of these positions and we get a hot tub to deal with my sore back....hmmmmm, I am going to have to think about that one). Back to the point, I know most of you are thinking, "Uh, no brainer Carol. Take the job until you get a teaching position". But here's the deal, I really enjoy having time to do projects around the house, find and create new and exciting recipes and have time everyday to work out. Teaching allows to me do this AND have a profession at the same time (plus it allows for summers off....yippeeeee).

Ugghhhhh, I hate inner struggles. I just want the answers to life, and I want life to be easy. Is that too much to ask?

I am now off to Folsom to go to Trader Joe's so I can make a really good and healthy dish that Shawn and I love. I can't remember the name of it, but it's greek. It's a oregano, garlicy and lemony chicken served with a yogurt sauce. So easy to make and LOTS of flavor. Gotta love the low fat but packed with TONS of strong flavor foods. Until later.....or tomorrow. Lots of love to everyone in Xanga land!

Today was eventful

Today I painted most of the doors in the upstairs of our house....a major accomplishment since we have a 70 pound dog who likes to be near us all the time. She has, more than once, walked too darn close to painted walls, doors, and painted planters only to end up painted herself...and in one case, ended up looking a bit like a skunk.

Today I painted my toenails pretty fancifully. They are painted a solid color with hand-painted white flowers on all but the pinky toes. I must say, my toes are really cute. I hate not having painted toe nails and absolutely hate when my feet are not presentable. Weird, I know! Since I walk around all the time without shoes on, I like to look down and see presentable feet. (I think this stems from a traumatic experience when I was younger....one of my friends would always stare at my feet as if they were mutant feet or something. Now, thanks to her, I must have pretty feet).

Today my brother-in-law came over (he was over last night too). It has been really good for Shawn to spend some time with his little brother alone....I think they both need some alone time (I have been mostly doing my own thing the last two days...which is really cool.....I love alone time). We had dessert tonight....brownies (from Apple Hill) with ice cream and the guys put a bit of Bailey's on top. I must say, it was a very good dessert (last night for dinner I cooked for the guys...it was an awesome stuffed chicken dish...I will have to post the recipe sometime). The other thing I did with them was Biore. You know, those Biore nose strips that clear clogged pores? Well, I first put a charcoal face mask on all of us, rinsed that and then put the nose strips on. Shawn and I do this sometimes when we are hanging out at home.....and tonight we decided to torture Jonathan and include him in our little ritual. Pretty fun.

Today I was offered a job.....I turned it down. I can't in good faith take a job for 20-something dollars an hour simply because. I told them that I would love to take the job, but that I am applying for teaching positions and if I get offered one of those positions, I would have to quit. I know this is not something a person would normally do...in fact, most people would just take the job and bide their time until something better came along. But, my conscience is telling me different. I can't do that to a company. If I take a job, I plan to be there for a while. I used to train people in one of the jobs I had and man did it suck after spending weeks training a person, just to have them quit. So, I am holding on to the hope that God is going to bring me a job that I simply can't refuse. This is the 4th job I have been offered since I have been up here, and the 4th job I have turned down. I think that it's God's way of telling me that I am going to be ok. I love God!

Today I exercised for only 21 minutes. I tried to exercise after Jonathan came back after dinner, but the downstairs of our house kind of creeps me out a little. I started to hear things.....and couldn't continue after that. I figured that I painted for hours today, so that counts as exercise right? ORU or TM anyone? Do those count as AP's?

That's pretty much all I did today (besides go to the bank). What did you do today?

Oh yeah...I must give a HUGE hi to everyone who comments on my blog. I must say, I love blog responses...Annie, Natalie, Amber, Ryan, Mel, Melissa, Rachael, Angela, Rishma, Molly, Tiffany and many others I am sure. Thanks for all of your comments. Also...hello to everyone who is in anonymous land....I know of some people who read my blog regularly....family, friends from TM, and even friends from blog land. :) I love looking at my footprints to see who has been reading my blog. It makes me feel like I am not writing in vain.

Have a great day everyone.

I don't know...

I had a bunch of ideas to write about, but wouldn't ya know it? I sit down to type something cool and I simply can't think of anything cool to say. So, here's a list of things that I think are really cool....

1). Valentine's day is usually pretty lame...but this year was awesome....as was last year. Hmmmm, is this because I am married now? Shawn has made the last two really cool. We had a slumber party in the living room all night on Valentine's night, it was really cool.

2). Not working. As much as I think I need to work, because I get bored very easy, I think that for this period in my life I am not supposed to work. I don't think I want to be a housewife full-time, although it might be nice if we were independently wealthy....which should take place in another few years (I have a lot of faith in my husband), but I think this is a period which I need to accept. I have applied for a few teaching jobs, but will not hear back for a few months. I think I need to embrace this time in my life and not define myself by what I do, but who I am...and who God made me to be.

3). Reisling wine. I love the stuff. Although I have many bottles of wine in my house, it takes me a few weeks to finish one bottle.

4). My friends....a couple of our friends came up to visit this weekend. It was really fun. We went wine and beer tasting and hung out a bit. Shawn and I had a great time.

5). Past experiences. I think that there are stages of life, and that I learned at a young age (not young enough though) to appreciate every stage of life. I learned to take time to stop and smell the roses. Of course I wish I would have learned this before my early 20's, but hey, at least I learned it before I was 50 right? I appreciated my later teens, my early 20's....my mid-20's were kind of a blur....but have greatly appreciated my late 20's. I think it's really cool when someone can really grab a hold and appreciate where they are at. In one of my previous posts I talked about how naive I was in my early 20's....and don't get me wrong, I thought I knew everything about everything.....but I didn't. However, I appreciated that time in my life...and still do. I learned sooooo much at that time and wouldn't have traded it for anything. So, to sum it up, I think every stage of life is really cool. (Get ready for the 'know it all' attitude here......) Embrace every stage of life. Don't try to be younger than you really are, or older for that matter. Enjoy yourself where you are because when you look back at that time, you can truly appreciate the lessons learned.

6). I think Placerville is really cool. I love it here. I think I was made to live in a place like this.....not in the city. Even though sometimes I feel really alone, and like I don't know a soul in the world, I have an overwhelming sense of peace about being here. It's where Shawn and I were meant to be at this stage in our lives.

7). Family. As I have gotten older, I have begun to really appreciate the people around me. Again, in my last post I talked about not needing to like people in my life if I don't want to....and that still holds true. However, I really like the people that are around me. I love my family tremendously even though I may not tell them often enough. I have discovered that I really love Shawn's family too. I don't think there is a person in his immediate family that I don't like. I have learned to enjoy people for who they really are....and in getting to know specific members of his family, I really enjoy my time with them.

8). My husband. He is really cool. Even though we are quickly approaching two years of marriage....things have changed a bit since we first got married....but I must say, it's good change. Our comfort level and appreciation for one another has grown. I must say though, we still absolutely love to bicker and argue....but that's just us. It keeps us young. Sometimes we still wrestle....and sometimes, even with my terrible back, I superfly him on our couch (although that has calmed down since we got the dog....but sometimes we still go at it like we are 12).

9). Working out. I find that I HAVE to work out in order to keep my ultra high stress level down. I have learned many life lessons in the close to 30 years I have been on this earth....one of the lessons I am in the process of learning is how to maintain stress. But, I think that this stage in life is forcing me to learn this, which I appreciate. Working out helps with this a bit...when I get stressed, I workout to help manage it. Gotta love it.

10). God!!! Self-explanitory. :)

No more cool things for today. That's it....I am done. Until the next time....

Shawn's making a lot of husbands look bad isn't he?

Yep....this is what I got for Valentine's Day....and our anniversary which is next month (it's a combo gift). I love it!!!! Happy Valentine's Day everyone.........(don't call us after 6 pm tonight....nudge nudge, wink wink).

Am I weird?

When I take a shower I usually use two towels. One for my hair, and the other for my body. These two towels, although they do not need to match exactly, they must be color coordinated. Am I weird?

I have decided....

1). I have decided that spending 2 hours on yard work of lifting, sweeping and stacking (wood that is), is simply too much work for one person. Although it's quite relaxing doing it alone, it can get kind of strenuous when you have to lift huge rounds of oak (firewood we haven't chopped up yet).

2). I have decided that the vacation blog was just not working as a day by day thing, so I will be posting it all here within the next few days. This is so you can be a part of our vacation too. :)

3). I have decided that applying for teaching jobs is wwwaaaaayyyyyyyyy too involved. Politics of Universities SUCK!!!

4). I have decided that there are people in my life I don't have to like......and to keep this as ambiguous as possible, that's all I am going to say about that one.

5). I have decided that uprooting my life and moving to a different city without a job lined up is pretty stressful on a daily basis. Not a day goes by that I don't think about, worry about, or hope that I will get a teaching job SOON!!!

6). I have decided that being on unemployment is not exciting. I thought I would enjoy this time off, but I don't for some reason. I think I was made to be in the classroom. Even though my students irritated me immensely from time to time, I miss the majority of my students. I love being in front of a class, goofing off, making fun of my students, having fun and making my students laugh while I teach a lesson. I have gotten TONS of feedback about how great of an instructor I am (not to toot my own horn, but I really think I was made for the teaching profession) from numerous students. They think I'm swell. :)

7). I have decided that I don't think I want to be a house wife full time. I need direction and goals to work towards. This is why College Instructing is so good for me. I get to be under pressure for 4 months at a time and then I get a break. I love it! I love it! I love it! (Now, if I can just find some classes to teach I would be happy as a clam......God, did you hear that? I would really like some classes please).

8). I have decided that I need to make new friends. I love the friends that I've got, but I think I need a couple more close girlfriends to hang out with and grab coffee with. People whom I can have deep conversations with...about life, God, marriage etc... People that I connect with on that level are few and far between. I would like a couple more people that I can connect with on that level.

9). I have decided that I am NOT the same person I was 10 years ago. It's amazing how much people change from their early 20's to their early 30's. (No I am not quite 30 yet, but I will be in a few months). Priorities change, maturity level changes, wisdom changes, what's important in life changes. I can't quite explain it, but life somehow morphs within that time period.

10). I have decided that stages in life are to be appreciated. I was talking to a family member a couple of days ago and we talked about how when we were younger we just wanted to grow up. Now that I am an adult, on my second house, have finished my education (probably.....a PhD is still up in the air.....and for that matter so is another MA degree...but let's not talk about that right now), I am going to appreciate where I am. Not look to the future, not look to 'when we have more money' or 'when we have a different house' or maybe even 'when we have kids or on doing missions', but really appreciate every stage of life from this point forward. I have taken for granted for too long. I am going to stop and smell the roses, take that leisurely walk, and do the things that make me happy.

11). I have decided that buying this house and moving up here has been one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life - but it's good. It's making me grow. It's making my marriage stronger - - - well, most of the time stronger. Sometimes we still argue about remodeling, but that's to be expected. When Shawn and I look back on this time in our lives, I guarantee that we are going to laugh and wonder how crazy we were to do this when we were newly married.

12). I have decided that I like who I am! If someone doesn't like it, or if someone feels threatened by me, so be it. I have heard for too long that 'I was intimidated by you when I first got to know you' and for a long time I felt bad about that. But no more. You are who you are and I am who I am......nothing more, nothing less. Let's coexist and love each other for who we are. :)

13). I have decided that I am done with this blog. :)

24 fans, don't miss this!

I decided to take a little break from my vacation blog....here is something funny for y'all! Enjoy!

Basic Truths About 24's Jack Bauer

Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then you better believe it's beef.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

Let's get one thing straight: the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.

Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.

Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.

Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.

Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better do it.

Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.

When Jack Bauer pissses into the wind, the wind changes direction.

Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.

You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.

Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.

Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer".

In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the hell have you done with your life?

Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.

Jack Bauer killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.

In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.

What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.

Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.

If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.

People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.

Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're f***ing dead."

Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.

Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars.

Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.

It took Jack Bauer two minutes to beat a confession out of OJ.

If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.

The bumper sticker on Jesus's car reads, "WWJBD?"

Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.

After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Jack Bauer, Tom Cruise admitted that he was gay.

Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.