Truth???

With all of the president bashing going on, especially in the circles that I run with (ahem academia - thank you for producing amazingly liberal people), I am glad Pres. Bush is telling the truth - or at least part of the truth. Shawn and I talk all the time about how the Pres. is slandered because of what is going on in the economy. The truth is, is that there are MANY more people in the decision making chair than simply the president (and I am not talking about just Bush, but him and ALL the others before him).

Speaking just on gas alone - there have been proposals time and time again about building more refineries in America. But, like Bush said, the proposals have been shot down. WHY???? I don't want to get into the in's and out's of this, but I find it pretty ridiculous that people ARE STILL pointing fingers at the Pres. for what is going on now. Hello people, rising gas prices have been predicted for YEARS and YEARS now. Just because it's happening NOW doesn't mean it's a direct result of Bush. What about all of the past presidents? What did they do to help divert this?

Read the article posted on CNN's website. Click here!

I especially like the part where the Democrats report that Bush is out of touch. Uh yeah, let's just SHIFT THE BLAME AGAIN WITHOUT REALLY FOCUSING ON GETTING SOMETHING DONE! That's what is really going to make a difference in this country, shifting blame without taking action. Last time I wanted to get something done, I sat on my couch and simply complained about it until it got done. Now I have a clean kitchen, a completely remodeled house, a perfectly manicured yard and each room of the house is spotless. You know how I did it? I passed blame and did nothing. If only the world worked like that.

***She steps down from her soapbox. Discuss!

Approved!!!

I got word yesterday that I was approved to teach online classes next semester at San Jose State University. If all goes well with enrollment, I will be paid to teach from my house. PRAISE GOD!!!!! I am now the second person in the department to teach online (well, for part-timers anyway). Apparently this is a coveted position - and yeah, God totally had His hand in this. God never ceases to amaze me. :)

So, we picked up the car today

I don't know why I am putting this out in blog world - but hey, at least it's an outlet right? I feel REALLY guilty for buying a new (used) car when we have one that is working perfectly. Seriously, I need counseling! I was excited at the prospect of getting a more comfortable car for my back - but since we have one that works perfectly, it's grating on me.

Granted, Shawn and I have been looking to a more comfortable car for about 6 or 8 months - - - - - - still, it doesn't matter. I feel guilty because we didn't need it. Plus, it's more expensive in gas - hello Mr. Premium, nice to meet you. And, about 1/3 worse gas mileage. Hello Mr. More Money in gas, nice to meet you too.

I feel greedy. I don't like buying new cars, especially when I have a working one (even though it's on its last leg). I think my years of going over seas to do missions is finally catching up with me. Our house is too big, and now we have too many cars. So many people in the world have so little - and we already have too much - and now we have even more. I don't like it.

Seriously, I need counseling!

We took the plunge....

Shawn and I just bought a new vehicle. It was too good a deal to pass up. We bought this little number today........

It was $60k when it was purchased back in 2001. The owner has taken impecible care of the vehicle throughout its life. Oh yeah - and we paid NO WHERE NEAR $60k for it. In fact, I talked them down to about $10k. That's right folks - a $60k car for $10k. It has really cool rims, power EVERYTHING, seat memory, individual air conditioners for each person in the car, it's a V8 and is an all around beautiful car. We are going to be keeping this one around for quite a number of years. If you know Shawn and I at all, you know that we drive cars until they don't go anymore. And, when they don't go anymore, my amazing husband fixes them until there is no more he can do. I am so excited. The lady who was selling it drove it pretty gingerly, and has ALL service records since the cars birth. Here is a pic of it. Once we pick it up this week, I will take more pictures and post them. Until then, this will have to suffice.

It is almost the color in the picture, but a bit darker. It's a colbalt blue with beautiful (and amazingly maintained) gray leather interior with wood trim on the inside. I really really really hope this car is going to be better on my back than my Saturn that I have been driving for 10 years.

Brithday this year.....

I am thinking about planning a B-day party again this year. I'm not sure what I should do though. Of course, having people over to the house is one option. But, every time I do that, I go WAAAAAYYYYYYYY overboard and end up serving a TON of food. But, this year maybe I should just have family over for a BBQ. Make really good kabobs served with saffron rice and a balsamic reduction sauce to spoon over the rice and kabobs. Plus, I have always wanted to BBQ rock fruit and make this really good sauce that you serve over vanilla ice cream (which I have yet to make but have the recipe for and am SO excited to try). Here's the question - what do I do for my B-day this year? Simply invited everyone up for the day and have a BBQ? Go to a restaurant? Or go do something low key like a picnic somewhere and do a BBQ in a park or near the American River? I am perplexed. I hesitate to do a BBQ since we always BBQ, and everyone does BBQ's for b-day's during the summer - so, essentially, I'm stuck. Any ideas? Do I follow suit and do a BBQ - or do I do something different? Ohhhhhh - maybe I have a cheese tasting party and the do a simple BBQ later. Hmmmmmm, that's a good idea. That seems like a good idea for people who LOVE cheese, which the husband and I do - so do my husband's brother and sister-in-law. So, I know the 4 of us would have fun. UUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHH - what do I do? Help!!!!!

The verdict....

The slow cooker pork roast was good. Would I make it again - yup. Especially since it's great for left overs. My husband is going to make it into pulled pork sandwiches. I did find that the meat was a bit dry and could have used a shorter cooking time if possible. Probably 3-4 hours on high or 6 hours on low. We tested the meat temp after only a couple of hours and it had reached appropriate temp. Then we left it in the slow cooker for another 3 hours on low to see if it would get more tender. It pulled apart immediately. I do think though that it could use lesser cooking time. So, there you have it - it's good. Mmmmmmm

Pork Roast

I will be trying this new slow cooker recipe. Although I love cooking, there are always those times in life when long cooking sessions are simply not enjoyable, or cannot be done due to time constraints. I am trying to compile a list of recipes that take little to no prep time, but may have a longer cooking time - like slow cooker recipes. I have made pot roast in my slow cooker, and love the way it comes out. Tonight I am going to try the following recipe. I will be serving it with some simple veggies and red potatoes.

Tangy Slow Cooker Pork Roast

• 1 large onion, sliced
• 2 1/2 pounds boneless pork loin roast
• 1 cup hot water
• 1/4 cup white sugar
• 3 tablespoons red wine vinegar
• 2 tablespoons soy sauce
• 1 tablespoon ketchup
• 1/2 teaspoon black pepper
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1 dash hot pepper sauce, or to taste

1. Arrange onion slices evenly over the bottom of the slow cooker, and then place the roast on top of the onion. In a bowl, mix together water, sugar, vinegar, soy sauce, ketchup, black pepper, salt, garlic powder, and hot sauce; pour over roast.
2. Cover, and cook on Low for 6 to 8 hours, or on High for 3 to 4 hours.

From what the reviews said on Allrecipes, which is where I found this one - DOUBLE the liquids if possible to make sure to cover the roast. They also said, if you do double the recipe, don't double the sugar. Apparently it turns out quite sweet if you do. In addition to that, I will probably use broth instead of water to add a bit more flavor and fresh garlic instead of garlic power - heck, maybe a bit of both and probably some extra onions because cooked onions are the best. I will let you know how it turns out tonight or tomorrow.

The New Hair Cut

I got my hair cut this morning. Nothing that I haven't had before, but I kinda like it. What do you think?

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And than about 5 minutes later the bangs were gone and my hair now looks like this. LMAO

The Vegetable Garden

Last year Shawn and I made vegetable boxes. It was around this time last year, wait, no, it was in April last year that we build these vegetable boxes. Let's back track a bit. A few months before that I had read Terri Blackstock's book Last Light. In the book the main characters are forced to plant a garden using their front and back yards. So, it being the first year Shawn and I actually lived in our house with a backyard, we were encouraged to plant once again. Let's back track a bit more. A couple of years before that when we had first purchased out townhouse, I had my brother-in-law (Justin) get a garden together for me since he has the greenest thumb this side of the Mississippi. That was the year before Shawn and I were married - so it's been about 4 summers since then. Well, the following summer after Shawn and I were married, we continued to have a small garden in half wine barrels in the back of our tiny townhouse. We had tomatoes, lots and lots of tomatoes and some beans which never grew because they didn't get enough sun. Well, last year we had:
*Watermelons (we planted too late for these to flourish)
*Cantaloupe (the ones that didn't get horribly attacked by aphids came out great)
*Tomatoes (lots and lots of them thanks to the dear that kept eating the tips off of them to make the plants absolutely EXPLODE)
*Lettuce
*Broccoli
*Carrots (so many carrots that we finally had to let them just grow and grow over the winter - and just a few days ago picked so many that we had about 10-15 pounds of carrots)
*Zucchini (this should have been a no-brainer, but we think they got cross pollinated with another squash planted next to it, so those didn't turn out at all).

This year here is what we have planted so far:
*3 different types of tomatoes (I eat tomatoes by the handful - literally)
*4 Zucchini (gosh darn it, we will get it right this year)
*9 broccoli plants
*1 Yellow Bell Pepper (we haven't had much luck with these in the past in the Bay Area, so we will see how these do this year)
*1 Red Bell Pepper (same as above)
*2 rows Romaine Lettuce
*2 rows Radish
*2 rows Snow peas
*1 Artichoke plant
*2 rows Mesclun (which is a variety of baby lettuce)
*4 rows of corn (which we should have spaced out planting, but nope - did it all at once since we are lazy) If the corn does well this year, we will plant many more plants for the second planting in mid-summer since we have tons of seeds left.
*1 Basil plant

AND - this is the best part - we have a 'pond' in our backyard that is now filled with rock, dirt and large stones. This weekend we are going to empty it out and make it a VERY LARGE herb garden (half of it anyway). Additionally, we are going to plant more veggies in the other half of it. We will probably plant onions (in honor of my sister-in-law Sharon who ADORES onions), corn from seed, more carrots for the dog (yes, she is CRAZY about carrots) and a whole bunch of herbs like:
*Basil
*Rosemary
*Thyme
*Oregano
*Tarragon
*Sage
*Dill
*Chives
*Parsley
*Peppermint
*Marjoram

My love for planting goes back much much further than just a few years. When I was a kid, we would visit my Aunt Edythe at her house in Campbell, Ca. She grew EVERYTHING - and I mean everything. Her whole backyard was vegetable boxes, compost piles to use in the vegetable boxes, a HUGE avocado tree and everything else you could possibly think of. Now, Shawn and I are NOWHERE near as dedicated as my aunt, but she was the ultimate inspiration for us having a vegetable garden. I remember eating the BEST vegetables I have ever tasted at her home when we went over for dinner. And, every year she would can fruits and vegetables to keep for the entire year. She made the BEST homemade chunky applesauce. I asked her for the recipe once, and she said it was apples, sugar, water and cinnamon - no measurements. :) I still have no idea how to make it, but gosh darn it, eventually, I will figure it out.

Today I am satisfied with what was accomplished. I must give HUGE props to my AMAZINGLY WONDERFUL

husband. He has worked endlessly digging, planting, removing, harvesting etc..... so we can get the new vegetable garden planted (my back has been bothering me for a month and a half or so, so I can only help minimally right now - he has done about 99.9% of the work). A VERY BIG THANKS GOES OUT TO MY WONDERFUL HUSBAND. I DON'T KNOW ANYONE ELSE THAT WOULD BE ABLE TO PUT UP WITH ME. I LOVE YOU BABY - MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF.

Plans for the weekend

Cross stitching and planting veggies for summer. That's it - nothing more, nothing less.

The Paranormal

For some reason I am deeply infatuated with the paranormal. Not the "Jonathan Edwards" type weirdness - the bible speaks clearly about that (as it does some paranormal experience). But I am fascinated with the existence of it. I watch the show called "A Haunting" on the Discovery channel a couple of times a week (you will most definitely think about the things you are putting into your mind right?). This show is about people's experience with the paranormal. Haunted houses, demon's possessing people etc... It is fascinating. Do I believe that this stuff exists? Absolutely!!!! But I don't know to what extent. I have seen some pretty interesting stuff overseas - like an exorcism in a church we were staying at while on a mission trip - that was trippy to listen to. Our leaders did not want us in the room, and rightfully so. Our team had nothing to do with the exorcism. But we did get to hear everything that went on - scary scary stuff if you don't know Jesus. But, this show is very interesting. In almost all of the episodes they call in the Catholic Church to exorcise the house/person. They always bring in the bible, and of course always cast out whatever it is hanging around in the name of Jesus.

I find the paranormal very interesting. I think this is something my mom finds fascinating as well - generational??? Who knows! But, what I really want to know is what you think. Do you think ghosts exist? Coexist with us? Do you think they are demons parading around as ghosts? What is your opinion on this?

One of the reasons why I am asking is because every semester I teach I tell my students that we live right next to a grave yard. Inevitably, every semester my students freak out and think it's creepy (even though I tell them that there has never been anything out of the ordinary happening in our house or around our house). In fact, what I do tell them is that our neighbors are "very quiet" - lol. We do have actual neighbors on either side of us. But behind us is a graveyard (from the 1800's nonetheless) which I think is the coolest thing ever.

But, what's your opinion on the subject?

Haven't been....

I haven't really been in the mood for blogging....sorry. I will try to think of something this weekend.

Sucking the last M&M

When you get to the end of an M&M's bag, do you suck the last one?
OR
Is the first bit of pizza the best?
OR
When you are finishing a candy bar, do you make your last bites small to savor the flavor?

I just had pizza for dinner. The first bite for me is always the best. Sometimes I eat my pizza backwards because I want that little triangle for the last bite (although this doesn't work too well because in my mind it's not the same). Tonight, I peeled some of the toppings off and moved them over to the last bite - mmmmmm, the last bite was sooooooo good. Enough about me, what about you? What strange things do you do with your food?

My husband ROCKS

Shawn and I built these over the weekend. They are still not done, but at least we no longer have a door going out into the abyss anymore. Yeah!!! My husband is the best!

Something interesting......

This article was borrowed from The Atlantic Online:

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200803/single-marry

It is definately worth reading, simply because I find the subject interesting. I will not bore you with my personal opinion, but you can certainly read Lori Gottlieb's perspective. Read away my friends - enjoy - discuss! :)

Marry Him!

By Lori Gottlieb

About six months after my son was born, he and I were sitting on a blanket at the park with a close friend and her daughter. It was a sunny summer weekend, and other parents and their kids picnicked nearby—mothers munching berries and lounging on the grass, fathers tossing balls with their giddy toddlers. My friend and I, who, in fits of self-empowerment, had conceived our babies with donor sperm because we hadn't met Mr. Right yet, surveyed the idyllic scene.

"Ah, this is the dream," I said, and we nodded in silence for a minute, then burst out laughing. In some ways, I meant it: we'd both dreamed of motherhood, and here we were, picnicking in the park with our children. But it was also decidedly not the dream. The dream, like that of our mothers and their mothers from time immemorial, was to fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after. Of course, we'd be loath to admit it in this day and age, but ask any soul-baring 40-year-old single heterosexual woman what she most longs for in life, and she probably won't tell you it's a better career or a smaller waistline or a bigger apartment. Most likely, she'll say that what she really wants is a husband (and, by extension, a child).

To the outside world, of course, we still call ourselves feminists and insist—vehemently, even—that we're independent and self-sufficient and don't believe in any of that damsel-in-distress stuff, but in reality, we aren't fish who can do without a bicycle, we're women who want a traditional family. And despite growing up in an era when the centuries-old mantra to get married young was finally (and, it seemed, refreshingly) replaced by encouragement to postpone that milestone in pursuit of high ideals (education! career! but also true love!), every woman I know—no matter how successful and ambitious, how financially and emotionally secure—feels panic, occasionally coupled with desperation, if she hits 30 and finds herself unmarried.

Oh, I know—I'm guessing there are single 30-year-old women reading this right now who will be writing letters to the editor to say that the women I know aren't widely representative, that I've been co-opted by the cult of the feminist backlash, and basically, that I have no idea what I'm talking about. And all I can say is, if you say you're not worried, either you're in denial or you're lying. In fact, take a good look in the mirror and try to convince yourself that you're not worried, because you'll see how silly your face looks when you're being disingenuous.

Whether you acknowledge it or not, there's good reason to worry. By the time 35th-birthday-brunch celebrations roll around for still-single women, serious, irreversible life issues masquerading as "jokes" creep into public conversation: Well, I don't feel old, but my eggs sure do! or Maybe this year I'll marry Todd. I'm not getting any younger! The birthday girl smiles a bit too widely as she delivers these lines, and everyone laughs a little too hard for a little too long, not because we find these sentiments funny, but because we're awkwardly acknowledging how unfunny they are. At their core, they pose one of the most complicated, painful, and pervasive dilemmas many single women are forced to grapple with nowadays: Is it better to be alone, or to settle?

My advice is this: Settle! That's right. Don't worry about passion or intense connection. Don't nix a guy based on his annoying habit of yelling "Bravo!" in movie theaters. Overlook his halitosis or abysmal sense of aesthetics. Because if you want to have the infrastructure in place to have a family, settling is the way to go. Based on my observations, in fact, settling will probably make you happier in the long run, since many of those who marry with great expectations become more disillusioned with each passing year. (It's hard to maintain that level of zing when the conversation morphs into discussions about who's changing the diapers or balancing the checkbook.)

Obviously, I wasn't always an advocate of settling. In fact, it took not settling to make me realize that settling is the better option, and even though settling is a rampant phenomenon, talking about it in a positive light makes people profoundly uncomfortable. Whenever I make the case for settling, people look at me with creased brows of disapproval or frowns of disappointment, the way a child might look at an older sibling who just informed her that Jerry's Kids aren't going to walk, even if you send them money. It's not only politically incorrect to get behind settling, it's downright un-American. Our culture tells us to keep our eyes on the prize (while our mothers, who know better, tell us not to be so picky), and the theme of holding out for true love (whatever that is—look at the divorce rate) permeates our collective mentality.

Even situation comedies, starting in the 1970s with The Mary Tyler Moore ShowFriends, feature endearing single women in the dating trenches, and there's supposed to be something romantic and even heroic about their search for true love. Of course, the crucial difference is that, whereas the earlier series begins after Mary has been jilted by her fiancé, the more modern-day Friends opens as Rachel Green leaves her nice-guy orthodontist fiancé at the altar simply because she isn't feeling it. But either way, in episode after episode, as both women continue to be unlucky in love, settling starts to look pretty darn appealing. Mary is supposed to be contentedly independent and fulfilled by her newsroom family, but in fact her life seems lonely. Are we to assume that at the end of the series, Mary, by then in her late 30s, found her soul mate after the lights in the newsroom went out and her work family was disbanded? If her experience was anything like mine or that of my single friends, it's unlikely. and going all the way to

And while Rachel and her supposed soul mate, Ross, finally get together (for the umpteenth time) in the finale of Friends, do we feel confident that she'll be happier with Ross than she would have been had she settled down with Barry, the orthodontist, 10 years earlier? She and Ross have passion but have never had long-term stability, and the fireworks she experiences with him but not with Barry might actually turn out to be a liability, given how many times their relationship has already gone up in flames. It's equally questionable whether Sex and the City's Carrie Bradshaw, who cheated on her kindhearted and generous boyfriend, Aidan, only to end up with the more exciting but self-absorbed Mr. Big, will be better off in the framework of marriage and family. (Some time after the breakup, when Carrie ran into Aidan on the street, he was carrying his infant in a Baby Björn. Can anyone imagine Mr. Big walking around with a Björn?)

When we're holding out for deep romantic love, we have the fantasy that this level of passionate intensity will make us happier. But marrying Mr. Good Enough might be an equally viable option, especially if you're looking for a stable, reliable life companion. Madame Bovary might not see it that way, but if she'd remained single, I'll bet she would have been even more depressed than she was while living with her tedious but caring husband.

What I didn't realize when I decided, in my 30s, to break up with boyfriends I might otherwise have ended up marrying, is that while settling seems like an enormous act of resignation when you're looking at it from the vantage point of a single person, once you take the plunge and do it, you'll probably be relatively content. It sounds obvious now, but I didn't fully appreciate back then that what makes for a good marriage isn't necessarily what makes for a good romantic relationship. Once you're married, it's not about whom you want to go on vacation with; it's about whom you want to run a household with. Marriage isn't a passion-fest; it's more like a partnership formed to run a very small, mundane, and often boring nonprofit business. And I mean this in a good way.

I don't mean to say that settling is ideal. I'm simply saying that it might have gotten an undeservedly bad rap. As the only single woman in my son's mommy-and-me group, I used to listen each week to a litany of unrelenting complaints about people's husbands and feel pretty good about my decision to hold out for the right guy, only to realize that these women wouldn't trade places with me for a second, no matter how dull their marriages might be or how desperately they might long for a different husband. They, like me, would rather feel alone in a marriage than actually be alone, because they, like me, realize that marriage ultimately isn't about cosmic connection—it's about how having a teammate, even if he's not the love of your life, is better than not having one at all.

The couples my friend and I saw at the park that summer were enviable but not because they seemed so in love—they were enviable because the husbands played with the kids for 20 minutes so their wives could eat lunch. In practice, my married friends with kids don't spend that much time with their husbands anyway (between work and child care), and in many cases, their biggest complaint seems to be that they never see each other. So if you rarely see your husband—but he's a decent guy who takes out the trash and sets up the baby gear, and he provides a second income that allows you to spend time with your child instead of working 60 hours a week to support a family on your own—how much does it matter whether the guy you marry is The One?

It's not that I've become jaded to the point that I don't believe in, or even crave, romantic connection. It's that my understanding of it has changed. In my formative years, romance was John Cusack and Ione Skye in Say Anything. But when I think about marriage nowadays, my role models are the television characters Will and Grace, who, though Will was gay and his relationship with Grace was platonic, were one of the most romantic couples I can think of. What I long for in a marriage is that sense of having a partner in crime. Someone who knows your day-to-day trivia. Someone who both calls you on your bullshit and puts up with your quirks. So what if Will and Grace weren't having sex with each other? How many long- married couples are having much sex anyway?

"I just want someone who's willing to be in the trenches with me," my single friend Jennifer told me, "and I never thought of marriage that way before." Two of Jennifer's friends married men who Jennifer believes aren't even straight, and while Jennifer wouldn't have made that choice a few years back, she wonders whether she might be capable of it in the future. "Maybe they understood something that I didn't," she said.

What they understood is this: as your priorities change from romance to family, the so-called "deal breakers" change. Some guys aren't worldly, but they'd make great dads. Or you walk into a room and start talking to this person who is 5'4" and has an unfortunate nose, but he "gets" you. My long-married friend Renée offered this dating advice to me in an e-mail:

I would say even if he's not the love of your life, make sure he's someone you respect intellectually, makes you laugh, appreciates you … I bet there are plenty of these men in the older, overweight, and bald category (which they all eventually become anyway).

She wasn't joking.

A number of my single women friends admit (in hushed voices and after I swear I won't use their real names here) that they'd readily settle now but wouldn't have 10 years ago. They believe that part of the problem is that we grew up idealizing marriage—and that if we'd had a more realistic understanding of its cold, hard benefits, we might have done things differently. Instead, we grew up thinking that marriage meant feeling some kind of divine spark, and so we walked away from uninspiring relationships that might have made us happy in the context of a family.

All marriages, of course, involve compromise, but where's the cutoff? Where's the line between compromising and settling, and at what age does that line seem to fade away? Choosing to spend your life with a guy who doesn't delight in the small things in life might be considered settling at 30, but not at 35. By 40, if you get a cold shiver down your spine at the thought of embracing a certain guy, but you enjoy his company more than anyone else's, is that settling or making an adult compromise?

Take the date I went on last night. The guy was substantially older. He had a long history of major depression and said, in reference to the movies he was writing, "I'm fascinated by comas" and "I have a strong interest in terrorists." He'd never been married. He was rude to the waiter. But he very much wanted a family, and he was successful, handsome, and smart. As I looked at him from across the table, I thought, Yeah, I'll see him again. Maybe I can settle for that. But my very next thought was, Maybe I can settle for better. It's like musical chairs—when do you take a seat, any seat, just so you're not left standing alone?

Back when I was still convinced I'd find my soul mate, I did, although I never articulated this, have certain requirements. I thought that the person I married would have to have a sense of wonderment about the world, would be both spontaneous and grounded, and would acknowledge that life is hard but also be able to navigate its ups and downs with humor. Many of the guys I dated possessed these qualities, but if one of them lacked a certain degree of kindness, another didn't seem emotionally stable enough, and another's values clashed with mine. Others were sweet but so boring that I preferred reading during dinner to sitting through another tedious conversation. I also dated someone who appeared to be highly compatible with me—we had much in common, and strong physical chemistry—but while our sensibilities were similar, they proved to be a half-note off, so we never quite felt in harmony, or never viewed the world through quite the same lens.

Now, though, I realize that if I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life, I'm at the age where I'll likely need to settle for someone who is settling for me. What I and many women who hold out for true love forget is that we won't always have the same appeal that we may have had in our 20s and early 30s. Having turned 40, I now have wrinkles, bags under my eyes, and hair in places I didn't know hair could grow on women. With my nonworking life consumed by thoughts of potty training and playdates, I've become a far less interesting person than the one who went on hiking adventures and performed at comedy clubs. But when I chose to have a baby on my own, the plan was that I would continue to search for true connection afterward; it certainly wasn't that I would have a baby alone only to settle later. After all, wouldn't it have been wiser to settle for a higher caliber of "not Mr. Right" while my marital value was at its peak?

Those of us who choose not to settle in hopes of finding a soul mate later are almost like teenagers who believe they're invulnerable to dying in a drunk-driving accident. We lose sight of our mortality. We forget that we, too, will age and become less alluring. And even if some men do find us engaging, and they're ready to have a family, they'll likely decide to marry someone younger with whom they can have their own biological children. Which is all the more reason to settle before settling is no longer an option.

I'll be the first to admit that there's something objectionable about making the case for settling, because it's based on the premise that women's biological clocks place them at the mercy of men, and that therefore a power dynamic dictates what should be an affair solely of the heart (not the heart and the ovaries). But I'm not the only woman who accepts settling as a valid choice—apparently so do the millions who buy bestselling relationship books that advocate settling but that, so as not to offend, simply spin the concept as a form of female empowerment.

Take, for instance, books like Men Are Like Fish: What Every Woman Needs to Know About Catching a Man or Find a Husband After 35 Using What I Learned at Harvard Business School, whose titles alone make it clear that today's supposedly progressive bachelorettes aren't waiting for old-fashioned true love to strike before they can get married. Instead, they're buying dozens of proactive coaching manuals to learn how to strategically land a man. The actual man in question, though, seems so irrelevant that, to my mind, these women might as well grab a well-dressed guy off the street, drag him into the nearest bar, buy him a drink, and ask him to marry her. (Or, to retain her "power," she should manipulate him into asking her.)

The approaches in these books may differ, but the message is the same: more important than love is marriage. To achieve that goal, women across the country are poring over guidebooks that all boil down to determining, "Does he like me?," while completely overlooking the equally essential question, "Do I like him?" In other words, whatever compromises you have to make—including, but not limited to, pretending to be or actually becoming an entirely different person—make sure that you get some schmo to propose to you before you turn into a spinster.

Last year's Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women makes the most blatant case for settling: if women were more willing to "think outside the box," as one of the book's married sources advises, many of them would be married. The author then trots out tales of professional, accomplished women happily dating a plumber, a park ranger, and an Army helicopter nurse. The moral is supposed to be "Don't be too picky" but many of the anecdotes quote women who seem to be trying to convince not just the reader, but themselves, that they haven't settled.

"I should be with some guy with a vast vocabulary who is very smart," said Heather, a 30-year-old lawyer turned journalist. Instead, she's dating an actor who didn't finish college. "My boyfriend is fun, he's smart, but he hasn't gone through years of school. He wanted to pursue acting. And you can tell—he doesn't have that background, and it never ever once bothered me. But for everyone else, [his lack of education] is what they see." Another woman says she dates "the 'secrets' … guys other women don't recognize as great." How's that for damning praise?

Meanwhile, in sugarcoating this message, the authors often resort to flattery, telling the reader to remember how fabulous, attractive, charming, and intelligent she is, in the hopes that she'll project a more confident vibe on dates. In my case, though, the flattery backfired. I read these books thinking, Wait, if I'm such a great catch, why should I settle for anyone less than my equal? If I'm so fabulous, don't I deserve true romantic connection?

Only one popular book that I can think of in the vast "find a man" genre (like most single women confounded by their singleness, I'm embarrassingly well versed) takes the opposite approach. In He's Just Not That Into You, written by the happily married Greg Behrendt and the unhappily single Liz Tuccillo, the duo exhorts women not to settle. But the book's format is telling: Behrendt gives perky pep talks to women unable to find a worthy match, while Tuccillo repeatedly comments on how hard it is to take her co-author's advice, because while being with a partner who is "beneath you" (Behrendt's term) is problematic, being single just plain "sucks" (Tuccillo's term).

Before I got pregnant, though, I also read single-mom books such as Choosing Single Motherhood: The Thinking Woman's Guide, whose chapter titles "Can I Afford It?" and "Dealing With the Stress" seemed like realistic antidotes to the faux-empowering man-hunting manual headings like "A Little Lingerie Can Go a Long Way." But the book's author, Mikki Morrissette, held out a tantalizing carrot. In her introduction, she describes having a daughter on her own; then, she writes, a few years later and five months pregnant with her son, "I met a guy I fell in love with. He and my daughter were in the delivery room when my son was born in January 2004." Each time I read about single women having babies on their own and thriving instead of settling for Mr. Wrong and hiring a divorce lawyer, I felt all jazzed and ready to go. At the time, I truly believed, "I can have it all—a baby now, my soul mate later!"

Well … ha! Hahahaha. And ha.

Just as the relationship books fail to mention what happens after you triumphantly land a husband (you actually have to live with each other), these single-mom books fail to mention that once you have a baby alone, not only do you age about 10 years in the first 10 months, but if you don't have time to shower, eat, urinate in a timely manner, or even leave the house except for work, where you spend every waking moment that your child is at day care, there's very little chance that a man—much less The One—is going to knock on your door and join that party.

They also gloss over the cost of dating as a single mom: the time and money spent on online dating (because there are no single men at toddler birthday parties); the babysitter tab for all those boring blind dates; and, most frustrating, hours spent away from your beloved child. Even women who settle but end up divorced might be in a better position than those of us who became mothers on our own, because many ex-wives get both child-support payments and a free night off when the kids go to Dad's house for a sleepover. Never-married moms don't get the night off. At the end of the evening, we rush home to pay the babysitter, make any houseguest tiptoe around and speak in a hushed voice, then wake up at 6 a.m. at the first cries of "Mommy!"

Try bringing a guy home to that.

Settling is mostly a women's game. Men settle far less often and, when they do, they don't seem the least bit bothered by the fact that they're settling.

My friend Alan, for instance, justified his choice of a "bland" wife who's a good mom but with whom he shares little connection this way: "I think one-stop shopping is overrated. I get passion at my office with my work, or with my friends that I sometimes call or chat with—it's not the same, and, boy, it would be exciting to have it with my spouse. But I spend more time with people at my office than I do with my spouse."

Then there's my friend Chris, a single 35-year-old marketing consultant who for three years dated someone he calls "the perfect woman"—a kind and beautiful surgeon. She broke off the relationship several times because, she told him with regret, she didn't think she wanted to spend her life with him. Each time, Chris would persuade her to reconsider, until finally she called it off for good, saying that she just couldn't marry somebody she wasn't in love with. Chris was devastated, but now that his ex-girlfriend has reached 35, he's suddenly hopeful about their future.

"By the time she turns 37," Chris said confidently, "she'll come back. And I'll bet she'll marry me then. I know she wants to have kids." I asked Chris why he would want to be with a woman who wasn't in love with him. Wouldn't he be settling, too, by marrying someone who would be using him to have a family? Chris didn't see it that way at all. "She'll be settling," Chris said cheerfully. "But not me. I get to marry the woman of my dreams. That's not settling. That's the fantasy."

Chris believes that women are far too picky: everyone knows, he says, that a single middle-aged man still has appealing prospects; a single middle-aged woman likely doesn't. And he's right. Single women are painfully aware of this. I hear far more women than men talk about getting married as a goal to be met by a certain deadline. My friend Gabe points out that this allows men to be the true romantics; when a man breaks up with a perfectly acceptable woman because he's "just not feeling it," there's none of the ambivalence a woman with a deadline feels. "Women are the least romantic," Gabe said. "They think, 'I can do that.' For a lot of women, it becomes less about love and more about what they can live with."

Not long ago, Gabe, who is 43, dated a woman he liked very much one-on-one, but he broke up with her because "she couldn't be haimish"—comfortable—with his friends in a group setting. He has no regrets. A female friend who broke up with a guy because he "didn't like to read" and who is now, too, a single mom (with, ironically, no time to read herself) similarly felt no regrets—at first. At the time, she couldn't imagine settling, but here's the Catch-22: "If I'd settled at 39," she said, "I always would have had the fantasy that something better exists out there. Now I know better. Either way, I was screwed."

The paradox, of course, is that the more it behooves a woman to settle, the less willing she is to settle; a woman in her mid- to late 30s is more discriminating than one in her 20s. She has friends who have known her since childhood, friends who will know her more intimately and understand her more viscerally than any man she meets in midlife. Her tastes and sense of self are more solidly formed. She says things like "He wants me to move downtown, but I love my home at the beach," and, "But he's just not curious," and "Can I really spend my life with someone who's allergic to dogs?"

I've been told that the reason so many women end up alone is that we have too many choices. I think it's the opposite: we have no choice. If we could choose, we'd choose to be in a healthy marriage based on reciprocal passion and friendship. But the only choices on the table, it sometimes seems, are settle or risk being alone forever.That's not a whole lot of choice.

Remember the movie Broadcast News? Holly Hunter's dilemma—the choice between passion and friendship—is exactly the one many women over 30 are faced with. In the end, Holly Hunter's character decides to wait for the right guy, but he (of course) never materializes. Meanwhile, her emotional soul mate, the Albert Brooks character, gets married (of course) and has children.

And no matter what women decide—settle or don't settle—there's a price to be paid, because there's always going to be regret. Unless you meet the man of your dreams (who, by the way, doesn't exist, precisely because you dreamed him up), there's going to be a downside to getting married, but a possibly more profound downside to holding out for someone better.

My friend Jennifer summed it up this way: "When I used to hear women complaining bitterly about their husbands, I'd think, 'How sad, they settled.' Now it's like, 'God, that would be nice.'"

That's why mothers tell their daughters to "keep an open mind" about the guy who spends his weekends playing Internet poker or touches your back for two minutes while watching ESPN and calls that "a massage." The more-pertinent questions, to most concerned mothers of daughters in their 30s, have to do with whether the daughter's boyfriend will make a good father; or, if he's a workaholic, whether he can provide the environment for her to be a good mother. As my own mother once advised me, when I was dating a musician, "Everyone settles to some degree. You might as well settle pragmatically."

I know all this now, and yet—here's the problem—much as I'd like to settle, I can't seem to do it. It's not that I have to be dazzled by a guy anymore (though it would be nice). It's not even that I have to think about him when he's not around (though that would be nice, too). Nor is it that I'm unable to accept reality and make significant compromises because that's what grown-ups do (I can and have—I had a baby on my own).

No, the problem is that the very nature of dating leaves women my age to wrestle with a completely different level of settling. It's no longer a matter, as it was in my early 30s, of "just not feeling it," of wanting to be in love. Consider the men whom older women I know have married in varying degrees of desperation over the past few years: a recovering alcoholic who doesn't always go to his meetings; a trying-to-make-it-in-his-40s actor; a widower who has three nightmarish kids and who's still actively grieving for his dead wife; and a socially awkward engineer (so socially awkward that he declined to attend his wife's book party). It's not that these women are crazy; it's that the dating pool has dwindled dramatically and that, due to gender politics, the few available men tend to require far more of a concession than those who were single when we were younger. And while I have a much higher tolerance for settling than I did back then, now I have my son to consider. It's one thing to settle for a subpar mate; it's quite another to settle for a subpar father figure for my child. So while there's more incentive to settle now, there's less willingness to settle too much, because that would be a disservice to my son.

This doesn't undermine my case for settling. Instead, it supports my argument to do it young, when settling involves constructing a family environment with a perfectly acceptable man who may not trip your romantic trigger—as opposed to doing it older, when settling involves selling your very soul in exchange for damaged goods. Admittedly, it's a dicey case to make because, like the divorced women I know who claim they wouldn't have done anything differently, because then they wouldn't have Biff and Buffy, I, too, can't imagine life without my magical son. (Although, had I had children with a Mr. Good Enough, wouldn't I be as hopelessly in love with those children, too?) I also acknowledge the power of the grass-is-always-greener phenomenon, and allow for the possibility that my life alone is better (if far more difficult) than the life I would have in a comfortable but tepid marriage.

But then my married friends say things like, "Oh, you're so lucky, you don't have to negotiate with your husband about the cost of piano lessons" or "You're so lucky, you don't have anyone putting the kid in front of the TV and you can raise your son the way you want." I'll even hear things like, "You're so lucky, you don't have to have sex with someone you don't want to."

The lists go on, and each time, I say, "OK, if you're so unhappy, and if I'm so lucky, leave your husband! In fact, send him over here!"

Not one person has taken me up on this offer.

I have been avoiding the blog because......

About a week ago Natalie tagged me for a meme (and I have been avoiding posting since because I couldn't think of 6 things about myself). I still don't understand what a meme is, but I do understand that I have to write 6 quirky things about myself and then tag 6 other bloggers to do the same. I don't think I can actually tag 6 people that I know 'in person', but I can try and tag some people of other blogs that I read (hopefully they will participate). Here's the scoop:

The rules for this meme are: (1) Link to the person that tagged you. (2) Post the rules on your blog. (3) Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself. (4) Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs. (5) Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

Six Quirky Things About Me

1). I love mugs and cups. I wouldn't say that I collect mugs or cups, but I do love 'em. I have quirky mugs that I acquired when going on vacation, and other mugs that I have picked up just because. I must say though, that the BEST mugs are the quirky ones that have a story behind them. Like our new Mickey and Minnie Mouse mugs. They are "Morning's aren't pretty" mugs. I have one of Minnie, and Shawn has one of Mickey. I bought them during the last day of our trip, simply because they were cute. And, because Shawn absolutely HATES waking up and getting out of bed. Here's a picture of Shawn's mug:





2). I have to line things up. For example, the picture on the Starbucks cup has to line up with the picture on the sleeve - and those have to line up with the drink opening on the cap of the cup. I also line up things like bic pens. The words have to line up with extra piece on the cap that hangs down - but only when I am writing with it.

3). I do not like competitive people. Here's why - by nature I tend to be competitive. I have squashed that over the years - or at least tried to (please do not confuse competitive with 'doing my best', because I have had to 'check my heart' - thank you Teen Mania - when doing things other people do well - most times it's not competition, it's simply me trying to see if I can do something or if I like to do something, and then doing my very best at it). But, I must say, when someone tries to be competitive with me, it's ON!!!! I will bring my A game. This is one of the reasons why I don't like competitive people - and why I try my hardest to NOT hang out with competitive people (I don't like the competitive side of myself). My philosophy on this is: try to be the best you can and with the things that you do - competition is useless and only makes people feel bad (or superior). Life is too short to engage in such things.

4). I agree with Natalie on this one - I HATE SHOPPING!!!! I enjoy it on occasion, but now I do most of my clothes shopping online. If something doesn't fit I either send it back or I return it at the store. I don't like dressing rooms and trying on clothes. I would rather pay the shipping fees than go shopping in the store.

5). Even though I hate shopping, I LOVE FINDING GOOD DEALS. This is one of the only reasons I will venture out to the store. Now is the time to ask, 'how do you find good deals if you don't go to the store?'. I am glad you asked. I look up weekly specials ALL THE TIME. For instance, right now at Savemart Supermarket, they are having a sale on cereal. $1 a box. So Shawn and I got 4 boxes of cereal - 2 raisin bran and 2 frosted mini wheat. Also, at Safeway they are having a Buy 2, Get 3 Free on soda sale. So Shawn and I got 5 cases of Coke and 5 cases of 7up. Now we have 40 cases of soda in our house (that's a lot of sugar folks).

6). Continuing on with the shopping theme, when something is on sale, I TEND TO STOCK UP. Which is why I have 40 cases of soda in the house. I have about 1 soda a week on average. I am not a big soda drinker, simply because I LOVE water. But Shawn drinks about one soda a day, sometimes two, and we have people come over all the time that LOVE soda, so I stock up. My philosophy on this is, stock up when it's on sale. Prices are only going to go up with inflation (and probably will be going up soon since the economy is in the crapper right now). Why pay more later when you can pay less now? Good deals drive me. Shawn says that I am never happier than when I find a good deal. (I must qualify this though - it is NECESSARY to spend money on things like gifts for other people. I don't like to cheap out on gifts in general. Dinner parties - spare no expense (and sparing no expense means spending just a bit more to make your dinner party a success). People can tell when someone is being cheap. And of course parties - having that one extra appetizer is going to cost you an extra $5 dollars, but make it seem like you 'went all out'. My sister and I should write a book about throwing the perfect dinner party - Mel, you in????

Here are the people that I tag:
Melanie
Justin
Leah
Carrie
Bridget
Tiffany

Not exactly what I wanted, but.....

For the last week or so I have been researching PhD programs. I haven't found any programs that I am REALLY interested in. Simply because it's not the right time to sell our house, and because Shawn doesn't really want to move (and neither do I frankly). There is little in our area as far as advanced degrees, but I think I came across one that I may be fairly interested in. It's an EdD program.....and it's only about 45 minutes away from our house. That's right folks, it's at UC Davis. Here's the rationale - I don't wanna move - I don't wanna be without my husband - I don't wanna sell my house just yet - I like the area where I live - and I DO NOT IN ANY WAY want to have to research and write papers for the rest of my life. In addition to that, my career goals have shifted a bit. I am amazing at administrative work (when I am motivated) - and I am really good at teaching (or so I have been told about a million times). I have been interested in the "Dean" positions at Universities/College's for quite some time. So, I think the EdD program fits my ultimate career goals (that is, if a position as Dean opens up and there aren't a thousand people applying). And here's the best part, being a Dean requires an advanced degree, a number of years of teaching at the college level (which I am doing), and lots of administrative work experience. Ummmm, hello - perfect career knocking here - can I come in? No, that's not the best part, this is - being a dean starts at over 100k per year. So, over the next 20 years, this is what I could be working towards. But then again, these are my plans, not God's. We will see what the future holds, but this seems like something good to pursue......for now. I have an email out to UC Davis, I will keep y'all posted on what they say. :)

The Great Hair Debate

I am thinking about cutting my hair again. I love it short, but I also miss my mid-length (what I consider long) hair (just past my shoulders). What should I do? When I have my hair short, it's easy to deal with but I can't put it up in a ponytail very easily and there are very few styles I can do. When it's long, I can do things with it like make it curly, leave it straight, put it half up in a twist kinda thing. I am thinking I want it long again, but I can't decide. Maybe long with layers? I don't know. I am [ this ] close to going to a salon and getting it styled. But I really LOVE longish hair - that is, unless it's long straight hair - and in that case, few people can pull it off in my personal opinion. I know a few people who can absolutely pull it off, but not many at all. I think people look much better with mid-length or longish hair with some kind of style and shape to it. I have had long shapeless hair for years (in the past), and looking back on pictures I think to myself, "what was I thinking". Well, to answer my own question, I was thinking I hated going to the salon and didn't want to think about it at all - so I let it grow. So there lies the question - what should I do with it? Remember, summers are hot where we are, and I generally want my hair off my neck - but winters are really cold and I generally want longish hair during the winter. I don't know what to do. That's it. The most exciting thing going on in my life right now is the hair decision. Gosh, my life is pathetic.

The Great School Debate

While Shawn and I were in the hot tub last night we were talking about how I really desire to go back to school. Right after I finished my Master's Degree (I use caps because a Master of Arts Degree was difficult to obtain and I think I deserve some props for spending almost three more years doing research, writing papers and studying my butt off - - - - contrary to the belief of some people, it was a hard few years, one of the most challenging things I have ever done. And to top it all off, I received a Masters Degree in Communication Studies, a major some would consider to be easy. Not so! The BA degree was fairly easy as almost all BA's are (contrary to popular belief) - - - - you learn something, regurgitate it, write a paper, get an A - - - and the cycle goes on and on. But the there was something fairly difficult about getting a Masters Degree. Lots of time researching, lots of time thinking, lots of time writing 30 page papers (and one paper over 100), and for me, lots of time working an everyday job 40 hours a week, then at the end, teaching at a University, all at the same time. Believe it or not, this experience and even my major has been discounted by some in my life. And to go even further, it has been said that I am 'not an actual professor', rather I just 'teach' at a college. Let me break it down for you - I am 'actually a professor'. Call my voicemail at one of the college's I work for and see what the school has left as the outgoing message. That's right, my title is Professor of Communication Studies.

Getting back to my point. Shawn and I were talking last night about me going back to school. Since we moved up here I have been teaching classes here and there, which has been exciting, as being a college instructor always is. But I feel like my brain needs some stimulation. I was thinking about a second Master's Degree - a cop out really. After having a Master's Degree, getting another one is like having a house and buying a vacation home. Nothing exciting, just more research studies, more papers, more conferences presenting those papers, more time at the library, oh yeah, and did I mention more papers? I wrote so many 20 to 30 page papers in graduate school that I can barely see straight anymore. But there's something more I desire. Could it be? No! Can't be! But oh yes, it is......I am seriously considering a PhD. I thought about it right out of grad school, but decided it wasn't the time. I revisit this idea about once a year, but for some reason it's kinda sticking now. I would have to be away from Shawn for months at a time which would almost kill me, but I am thinking it would be worth it in the end. I am still up in the air, but getting closer to a decision. I have emailed a couple of schools to find out what their programs consist of.

Oh yeah - and the best part - there are a few people in my life that I would require to call me Dr.

E.T. has phonned home

I just read on a local news webpage that extraterrestrials have made contact with earth. You can read about it here: Has E.T. made a call?

I think this is article is particularly interesting because it is written from the perspective that there really is other life out there, not just us humans. I do hope though, that in my lifetime, lifeforms on other planets will be discovered. How exciting would that be. Now, I am not saying that I am one of those, "I done seen it with my own two eyes" type of people, but I do hold hope that we are not the only ones alive in the universe. In fact, I think that we would be stupid to hold the opinion that we are alone. We live on a planet, why couldn't there be, in the vastness of the universe, more planets like this one with intelligent life? And for all of those folks who have "done seen it with their own two eyes" - keep on keepin' on - because in 50 years, the rest of the world may just come back to you and apologize because of how much we made fun of your 'alien sighting'.

E.T. (from earth) signing off!


NOTE: They changed the news artcile after posting it a few days ago. Now the original article was pulled, and they have replaced it with a different artcile. Apparently the journalist who wrote the original story did not do a good job at investigative reporting. Yikes!

My First Attempt

This is my very first attempt at scrapbooking.

The cream colored areas are where I will be putting commentary......basically a play by play of how our trip went (our trip to Disneyland a couple weeks ago). I have no idea what I will be writing, and I am sure it's gonna be dry - simply because I am pretty bad at storytelling. I am going to try to make it sound fun, but for this page, how fun can "we got ready and started driving" sound? I will need to put my creative abilities to work when I am ready to write. Any ideas?

I don't get it.

A conversation my husband and I just had:

Me: Where did that sponge in the kitchen sink come from?
Husband: The garbage
Me: Please don't dig out sponges from the garbage.
Husband: I thought you accidentally threw it away.
Me: If a sponge ends up in the garbage, please just get a new one from under the sink. We have 20 of them just sitting there.


I will never understand the male psyche.

Clouds

This is an un-retouched photo taken on our way to Donner Lake over the summer sometime. When I think about Jesus' return, I kind of envision it looking like this.

When I see something I would like to have on film, I do some pretty interesting things. For starters, once, I stood outside at the ocean for about a half hour in 30 degree weather with frozen hands and face, just to get a shot. Boy, it was worth it though. This picture was taken during a driving trip. I think I literally stopped in the middle of the road (didn't pull over), jumped out of the car, took the picture in about 2 seconds and started to drive again. I was amazed at what came out. God is Good!

It's over

The semester has ended. All that is left to do is grading, which of course I do not want to do right now. I MUST get my grades in though, my students are asking and asking and asking! Ugghhhh!

On a bit of a different note, I am learning that everyday is LITERALLY a choice to either be happy or let emotions and 'life' overtake you. I have been giving myself permission to enjoy life lately, when it is against my very core. I usually get amazingly bogged down with circumstance and have finally STARTED to learn that I don't have to. Amazing!

Long time no post

My apologies for not posting. I will start again soon, I promise. :)

What the...............???????

J.K. Rowling told audiences last night during a talk that Albus Dumbledore is gay. Someone apparently asked about his love life and she said that he was infatuated with one of his rivals, Gellert Grindelwald. Uh, what the??? Why did she have to go there? To each their own I guess - but in literature - after the fact - years later - not written into the novel! What else is she going to reveal? That Harry is a cross dresser and he uses Ginny's clothes while fighting for the Ministry of Magic? Or that one of the Weasley parents cheated on the other and eventually got divorced? Thus is the danger of literature. The creator can do whatever they'd like, even after the fact. After all, the characters they write about are contained purely within their imagination so writers are able to do whatever they want to. That's all I have to say about that!

Napping in the afternoon

I just woke up from a nap. It felt good to sleep in the afternoon, but I always wake up even more tired than when I went to sleep. While I was sleeping, I had two pretty random dreams. One of them I will tell you about since I can't quite remember the other one. The dream takes place in our home, or what is supposed to represent our current home. Before we bought this house I had dreams about it, specifically that it was haunted or inhabited by some spirit. In the dream the house was really big, probably double the size our house is now and it had some property right next to it. Part of the lower level of the house was inhabited by a spirit as well as the additional building next door. So, we did not use that part of the house, simply left it decorated as the last owner had it, nor did we use the property next door since there was something nasty in that building. In my recurring dream about this house, I am always giving people tours of the entire house, even the property next door - this time I was giving Tommy Lee a tour (why Tommy Lee, I have no idea since I don't even like the guy - but in my dream he was very nice). Back to the dream! While I am showing him around, I go into the rooms that are amazingly functional and pretty nicely decorated, yet are not in use because something else is there (that we can't see obviously). While there, Tommy Lee looks at me and says, "WOW, this area is really nice. You know you can get someone in here to get rid of the spirits so you can use these rooms. You should do that." Here's the kicker - I simply look at him and say, "Yeah, I know", but then think to myself that this is the way it's gonna stay because I simply don't want to do anything about it. Isn't that weird? Even in my dream I am apathetic about seeking outside help for something even though I know it will benefit my life. Hmmm!!! I can read even deeper into the dream, but I will stop here. Interesting tidbits into the mind of Carol. :)

Why???

I know it's a part of everyday life - but why is it that people continue to make suicide comments TO ME after knowing that my father committed suicide a few years ago? I will NEVER understand people! Of course I never say anything because I know, more times than not, it's not something people think about (and I say stuff all the time that I don't mean or regret saying and wish I could take back) - but really? I think commenting, or joking about suicide is definitely a part of everyday life, but talking about it in such graphic form as to say, "blow your/my brains out" is just too much for me to handle (and probably always will). Let me qualify this.......I know that people are going to joke about it, and I know that many many people in my life don't know about the situation - so OF COURSE I have a forgiving heart. But, I guess, to say it simply - for those that are close to me, it hurts my feelings. Simply said!

One of my very closest friends made a comment to this effect not a few months after my dad's death and promptly apologized. And I very much appreciated her apology at the time. But, I have hesitated to blog about this because I ABSOLUTELY do not want people walking on eggshells around me - NOR do I want people to apologize for what they have said - there's not point. I want people to be who they are. But what I DO want is for people to be slightly sensitive to the situation......not alter who they are, just sensitive I guess (because every time something like that is mentioned in such a graphic way, it effects me deeply). With that said - I don't want to talk about it anymore - I have said my peace and now I am done!

Look for a happier blog later. I will maybe even blog about the Thai Lettuce Wraps I am making for lunch with a few different sauces.....maybe! :)

If only....

I so wish I could sleep! I haven't slept a full night in weeks. I think it has been over 3 weeks. I have woken up numerous times though out the night - not just once or twice, but as many as 6 or 8 times. This is driving me crazy. I feel like a walking zombie. So much in fact that I fell asleep at around 9:30 or 10:00pm last night. No help though, I woke up about 6 times. What the hell is wrong with me??? Tylenol PM doesn't even work anymore, and it used to knock me out for hours. Now, nothing! Ugghhhhhh - something's gotta give, I just hope it's not my sanity!

Last winter....

I posted a couple of recipes last winter that were two different pot roasts. I think the post was called "Dueling Pot Roasts". I liked both recipes, but now I am starting to experiment a bit more. There are a few recipes that I want to try - one with a tomato base - the other with balsamic vinegar and yet one last one with a can of coke believe it or not. Since it's getting cold, and chuck roast is on sale right now, I think I will stock up and try one new recipe of pot roast a week. I made pot roast for the bible study I go to on Thursday night - it was decent - not my favorite. And, this Sunday I get to do it again for company......but, the people who are coming over want plain tasting things - so I can't get fancy or anything. I will be making my ultra yummy Cheddar Garlic Mashed Potatoes. Of course I will be making something plain, like oven roasted red potatoes or something like that so our company is happy. Of course I will pair it with a couple of different vegetables and maybe even some fresh baked bread (or maybe a fluffy store bought loaf - who knows what tomorrow will hold).

Today should be fun - we are cleaning all day since we are having company tonight - and tomorrow. Ugghhhhh - I love having a clean house, but I HATE doing it. Maybe I need to learn to be a cleaner, less cluttery person.

Too tired to post pics right now, but....

Shawn and I are having an amazing time with his grandparents up in Donner Lake. We arrived at about 7pm on Friday. I almost immediately made brownies for everyone (with walnuts that were 20 years old - don't ask). We had dessert and sat around and talked for a few hours. It started to rain at about 9pm, but the rain quickly turned to snow (about 2 inches by the time we noticed and went outside). THE FIRST SNOW OF THE SEASON - YIPPPPEEEEEE!!!!! We then proceeded to go outside and have a snowball fight with Shawn's grandfather - every man/woman for themselves - so much fun (Tess was chasing the snowballs when they didn't break - so cute). We came in the house and made hot chocolate and hot tea, along with some popcorn and curled up on the couch with a blanket and watched a movie. This is what Friday nights are made of! I must say, this is one of the BEST visits to Donner with his grandparents (although, I must say, we have had some really fun visits over the last 4 or 5 years - gosh I can't believe it's been that long that we have been coming up here - but tonight was special and of course memorable with the first snow and of course the snowball fight). I will post some pics tomorrow of the snow and of us all hanging out. Good night! (Jonathan and Sharon - we wish you guys were here. It would have been so much fun to play in the snow with you guys. I hope you feel better soon Sharon! Love ya!)

Makes Sense Right?

The First Parent

by Bill Cosby

Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God’s omnipotence did not extend to his kids.

After creating Heaven and Earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was: “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”, Adam replied.

“Don’t eat the forbidden fruit.”

“Forbidden fruit? Really? Where is it?”

“It’s over there,” said God, wondering why He hadn’t stopped after making the elephants.

A few minutes later God saw the kids having an apple break and He was angry.

“Didn’t I tell you not to eat that fruit?” the First Parent asked.

“Uh huh,” Adam replied.

“Then why did you?”

“I dunno,” Adam answered.

God’s punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.

Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed. But there is reassurance in this story.

If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give them wisdom and they haven’t taken it, don’t be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble handling children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

Preparing for lecture....

Here's something I need to watch out for. I am currently preparing a lecture for tomorrow's class on Small Group Communication. We are finally to the part in the book where it talks about how people respond to one another and interact with one another. And, without getting into too much detail, I am currently a part of a few small groups - how convenient right? So, what am I doing? Of course, human nature - - - I am comparing the ideas/theories in the book to those of the small groups I am a part of. Is that terrible? Or is that considered analytical? I AM GOING TO KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT of course when it comes to the patterns/roles people in the groups have chosen, fallen into, have been assigned...whatever you want to call it. But, it's interesting to see communication patterns emerge as I am teaching this class.

I guess this is an occupational hazard. In talking to my friends who have gotten their masters degrees in Counseling/Psychology, they experience the same thing. They learn about a theory/disorder and automatically they have it or know someone in their life that has it. I have also heard the same thing from people going to medical school or that are beginning doctors (my cousin is a doctor, and one of my friends is in residency in So. Cal). They learn about symptoms, and of course they, their family member, friend, acquaintance etc. has whatever it is they can recall from the limited list of symptoms they have learned (which tends to make people freak out if you ask me....on all occasions - communication, psychological and medical). Unless something is confirmed by a professional, I would shy away from listening to it - but of course, this is only one person's humble opinion. (Which, to tell you the truth, is why I almost never talk about communication theory - patterns that I see emerge etc.... It's not worth the risk of being wrong, or freaking people out for that matter because they realize that I may be analyzing certain behaviors - as I think all people do, just on different levels).

Like I said, of course I am going to keep this information to myself since it is in NO WAY appropriate to talk about in the groups that I am in. And OF COURSE I know that these patterns emerge in everyday life, not just in these particular small groups I am in (plus, I don't think there is anything wrong with the small groups I am currently a part of - and love the people dearly in all of the groups). My point here is that it is quite interesting to read about theory and have it be real and apparent in my life. Thus the hazards of the Social Sciences I guess - it is the study of people, people interacting with people, the ideas people hold, patterns that are set up in our society etc.... I love it, love it, love it!!!!!!!!!

92 Days Folks - That's Right!!!

Today Shawn and I went to Costco. We had to pick up some Clorox wipes, my preferred clean up method. I use those things primarily in the kitchen and bathroom. What better place to use them right? To make a long story short, the Christmas stuff is out already. That's right folks, Costco has Christmas decorations out - - - which means, it is officially time for me to start decorating. :) I may wait until October, but like I have said before, I virtually missed Christmas last year because of the move, a wedding, and generally being busy with unpacking and such. I am so excited I'm gonna pee my pants. (Clorox, calling clorox! Cleanup in Carol's office needed!).

The Eggroll

I was watching Seinfeld today. It was the one at the Chinese Restaurant where Jerry, Elaine and George don't get sat for the whole episode. Jerry tells Elaine that he would pay her $50 to go to a table and pick up and eggroll, eat it, say thank you, then walk away. She is not allowed to say anything else - just pick it up, eat it, say thanks and walk away. I would absolutely do that!!! (With one stipulation of course, the people I was with would have to agree to eat at another place that night. #1 of course because you would get thrown out and #2 because I wouldn't be able to eat at that particular place after I did something like that). So, if we ever go out to dinner, bring $50 and watch me shine!

Thank Heaven for Lauren Green

In case you haven't heard yet, Kathy Griffin made some terrible comments after she won an Emmy award. Lauren Green, a correspondent for Fox News wrote this: Lauren's Article
Thank God someone put it in perspective!

(Thanks Lauren Green for taking the time to respond with intelligence and kindness).

Oh Happy Day!

During my last class yesterday an awesome storm began. I called Shawn to see if it was up in Placerville yet - nope! Thank God because we hadn't secured the hot tub cover on all sides. So, I called him and mentioned that it was raining really hard, and hailing a little and there was VERY loud thunder and amazing lightning. Well, only a little wind and rain hit Placerville - but I was excited nonetheless that I got caught in an amazing thunderstorm during/after class. It rained a little last night and is very cloudy today. We are prepared. Last night Shawn secured the last two straps on the hot tub and we are good to go. (When we placed the hot tub I asked him to secure the straps - and let's just say that there was a bit of disagreement about doing it yesterday - and to make a long story short, it needed to be done). Quite a number of years ago I had a bit of a hot tub mishap. The cover flew off and broke a window. I knew there was a storm coming in and didn't want that to happen again. So, needless to say, the straps are secured - and well, simply put, I was right! :) Wind was mildly strong yesterday, and we would have lost the cover had it not been secured down. Thanks for doing that babe, even though you didn't want to - I think it was the best decision. I will post pics of the hot tub when I get around to it.

Oh, how I am glad the weather is changing! And, I feel blessed that I got to see the thunderstorm. Thanks God! It lifted my spirits.

New shows

Oh, Wentworth Miller - how I have missed you!!! Tonight is the LONG ANTICIPATED season premier of Prison Break. So exciting. After months and months of lame reruns, we finally get to partake in some new shows. I hate summer for a number of reasons - the heat - the excessive sun - being locked inside the house because of the two aforementioned things - and of course RERUNS!!!!!

Like I have posted before, there is something for both Shawn and I. Of course Wentworth Miller is for me, regardless of his sexual orientation which of course Perez Hilton is constantly questioning (like he does everyone, simply because he himself is same-sex oriented). I digress! Shawn likes the character Sara Tancredi - he thinks she is an attractive character. Not only physically (he thinks she's cute), but her character's personality as well. I think it's cute that he has a TV crush. :)

In other news:
*Shawn's birthday is today!!! Happy Birthday sweetie!!! You are an amazing husband - everything I could have ever hoped for. I am so blessed to share my life with you. (I am glad you get to watch your TV crush on your birthday). :)

*Our hot tub is getting delivered tomorrow. Woo hoo! I can't wait for it to get here and get it set up. Shawn and I have waited so long for a hot tub. 24 hours-ish and it will be here. It probably won't be hooked up for a couple of weeks, but at least it will be here. Yippeeee!!!!

It's one or the other

My tomato plants are doing well. Except for one thing. Something keeps eating the tips of them at night. I think it's either a:

(Cute little dear.....bastard!)

OR

(The Chupracabra)

I think it's the Chupacabra that's eating them - what do you think?

I like 'em!

Shawn and I had another busy weekend. We met some friends for brunch on Sunday morning down in Sacramento. It was fun. Since we were down there I decided to stop by Pottery Barn at the mall. I have had a gift certificate burning a hole in my pocket since my birthday and wanted to spend it. There's nothing like free stuff right? Or, as my bother-in-law says, "It's free99!" I have wanted a really cool pitcher and set of goblet style glasses for a while. Everywhere I look they are ok priced, but can't justify spending money on something we don't actually 'need'. Now, it was my turn to splurge on something I have wanted for a while. It took me only a few minutes to decide on this set (really, because Shawn had to go to the bathroom). It's simple and straight to the point. I love it!!!! Now, when people come over, I can use it to serve iced tea, lemonade or my favorite, ice water with slices of lemon right in the pitcher. Love it!!! It's the simple things in life that make me happy.

So, a HUGE thanks to Chris and Crystal for giving me a gift certificate to Pottery Barn. There is NO WAY I would have EVER spent that much on a pitcher and glasses set. You guys are wonderfully thoughtful!!!